Imbolc

Imbolc slid by without much attention from me. We did go down to Temple for their Imbolc ritual. It was beautiful but I just wasn’t feeling it.

I haven’t been feeling spiritual lately. I haven’t been feeling close to Mother Earth. Since Yule, I’ve just been getting up and going to bed with little thought of my deities. I’m not exactly sure why though I don’t think “why” really matters. What matters is maintaining a spiritual practice.

My lack of practice has been evident here. I didn’t do a tarot reading on myself at the New Year like I usually do. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve touched my cards since January of last year.

Being outside is my connection to Mother Earth, Father Water, Grandmother Moon, Grandfather Sun, and the all encompassing Air. I haven’t been spending much time outside. The chronic unemployment has led to a depression I haven’t endured since high school. When I’m depressed, I don’t leave the house. I hole up and hunker down. Going outside is so beyond my energy levels.

Bridget is awakening. I hope to awaken with her also.

Yule

Lover and I spent Yule at Temple of Witchcraft. A lovely night spent with a group of people was exactly what he and I needed. Our individual flames were starting to dim like Father Sun. The infusion of light and love from fellow Templeites helped our flames burn brighter for the coming months.

This is the time of rebirth so Lover and I took the opportunity to become official members of Temple. The Priestess traced pentacles on our hands in anointing oil and announced our names to the greater community. Reborn we were, into the arms of a community we have grown to love.

May our flames burn bright!

Snowy Samhain

Lover and I were supposed to go to the Samhain event at the Temple of Witchcraft on Saturday but we got snow. Enough snow that we didn’t want to travel over an hour (and that’s in good weather) to go. Instead, we lit a candle and put it in the window. Lover made ginger cookies. We left some out for our beloved ancestors.

This Saturday is the Samhain party for New England Pagans and Witches. That we hope not to miss. I will post about our evening.

Candle Flame

Over the last few years I’ve been teaching myself to knit. Like most new knitters I often bite off more than I can chew when picking out patterns. That is, I salivate over patterns that require more skill than I possess.

This particular pattern, Candle Flame Shawl by Dean Crane, is no different. At the time I picked it out, sometime last year, I knew it was beyond my skill. But I was determined to learn how to knit it. It took me a year and many, many re-tries. I cannot tell you how many times I pulled it out just to start over. I’d hazard a guess of at least 25.

I chose this pattern because I like the symbolism of fire. Over the year I worked on this pattern (and increasing my skill so I could work on this pattern) I came to the conclusion I would make a shawl representing each of the directions plus two. That is, I picked out patterns for Earth in the North, Water in the East*, Fire in the South, and Air in the West. Also, I picked out a Sun Shawl and a Moon Shawl.

When I finished the Candle Flame Shawl, I finished one aspect of my big project. And now I will be working on Water.

The purpose of all these shawls is to wear them at rituals. Since most rituals are based on an element I will have a shawl to wear. Having “appropriate” clothing is important to me. Right now all I wear is a black shirt and jeans. I am not one of those Pagans who wears Renaissance garb (I am not a Ren person at all) but I do feel a little out of place wearing jeans and a shirt. I didn’t want to go and buy something, I wanted to make something so it would have my energy in it.

*I celebrate Water in the East because the largest body of water TO ME is the Atlantic Ocean which lays about 100 miles to my east. West is where our weather patterns come so for me that is where Air resides.

Primordial Ocean

Each year Lover and I spend a week in Maine. The vacation serves many purposes: much needed down time, communing with Ocean, and seeing extended family members.

Vacationing in York is something I’ve been doing since I was wee. It was the first place where I met Ocean. While still suckling at my mother’s breast, I was taken into the water by my mother. And ever since then, summer after summer, I have spent time on Long Sands.

Long Sands is such a special place for me. It is where I go to center myself when I’m in deep emotional trouble. It’s where I go to reconnect with myself. It’s where I go when I want to play Water and get burnt by Sun. It is where I chose to marry.

Over the years I have not spent too much time IN the ocean. I’d walk along the edge but getting in wasn’t on my agenda. The reason is because I don’t like to swim alone and Lover doesn’t swim at all. This year, though, I put myself in the water on a few occasions. And it was blissful.

As I walked into Ocean, I walked slowly. First, if was COLD (as usual for Maine’s ocean water) and because I had a twisted ankle. I took my time. I made my way in all the while thanking Mother Earth, Father Water, Grandfather Sun, Grandmother Moon and Omnipresent Air. I mantraed as I went in “thank you for your abundance Primordial Ocean. Thank you for the intricate dance you do with Grandmother Moon. Thank you for allowing her to tide you across Mother Earth.”

I came out of Ocean refreshed and not just physically. Spiritually I was renewed. I came out more committed to Paganism than I thought possible.

Greenman and Gaia

This weekend was one of connection. Connection to Mother Earth, connection to other Pagans, connection to Lover.

On Saturday I spent the day with the White Mountain Pagan Alliance. As a member of the group, I was (vaguely) helpful in planning the event. I didn’t commit too much because when we started planning I didn’t know if we’d be in New Hampshire or Massachusetts. I didn’t want to promise myself only to bail so I kept my involvement to a minimum. The day of the event I asked Stormi to put me to work where ever she needed help. I’m always happy to work as I am a hard worker.

The day was lovely. We could not have asked for better weather for Lammas. About 50ish people came which was a wonderful turnout for a first time event.

I was honored to be asked to pour the wine (apple cider actually) during ritual and as I did so I said “may you never thirst. Blessed be!” to which most responded in kind.

Sunday was spent with New England Pagans & Witches in Manchester. It was the first time Lover and I spent any time with the group though we have met many of the core members before. Another lovely ceremony was had* along the shores of the water.

When Lover and I got home we did what Pagans do on Lammas. While intertwined, I envisioned him as Greenman and myself as Gaia. The intensity of the vision made the intertwinning all the more intense. Generally I avoid these kinds of visions because, to me anyway, to do so means creating life and that is not something Lover and I want. Sure, we create life in our garden but not the creation of human life. What I realized the other night was to “create life”, to envision him as Greenman and me as Gaia doesn’t mean we are seeking pregnancy, it means we are seeking to bring life and love to Mother Earth as Greenman and Gaia.

*White Mountain Pagan Alliance and New England Pagans & Witches events were held outside. This is the way Paganism is supposed to be practiced in my opinion.

Witchy Hair

Yesterday Lover and I took our mothers, and my grandmother, out for lunch. It was a belated mothers day gift for the three of them. I felt a little like I was being grilled by the Matriarchal Council because all three sat across from Lover and me.

We talked about how I found my first gray hairs and how excited I was. All seemed a little taken aback by my excitement but I explained I liked the idea of being a crone and have been waiting to be one for a long, long time. Then one of them, I forget whom, suggested I cut my hair.

My hair is very long and very straight. It reaches the top of my butt. My grandmother thinks it’s too long and “wild” and wants me to cut it. My mother in law and mother both love my hair but they too think it’s time I cut it since I’m almost 40. I explained the reason I keep it long is because it’s cheap to do so. Both my mother in law and grandmother color their hair and all three keep theirs short. I asked how often they go in for the cut and color and the cost behind it. Each of the matriarchs understood where I was coming from after that part of the conversation but I could see they all want me to cut my hair.

At one point my mother in law said “if you have long gray hair it’ll be too witchy!” She said it with disdain. Once she said those words though, it cemented in my mind to keep my hair long and let it go gray without any intervention. After all, I’m a witch in training. And I love the idea of having witchy hair!